Our Six Seasons

Sofia Alvim, Goddess & Love Letter Writer

May 28, 2017

Listen to embody these words more fully…

Our Six Seasons

by Sofia Alvim | The Contemporary Goddess

You were a man from the very beginning.
a real one.

You were a man, not because you were older,
but because you grew yourself into your manhood.

You didn’t use me.
You didn’t need me.

You didn’t need my company to ease your pain,
or my counsel of wisdom to catalyze you into action,
or my healing energy to recharge your batteries,
or my light to illuminate you,
or even my hugs to make you feel better.

No.

Instead, you wanted me and I wanted you.
we wanted each other.
and our wanting turned into exquisite intimacy.

Such a gift it was not to be used.
Such a gift it was to not be needed.

You didn’t project your own fear on me and make that projection about me.
Instead, you shared your thoughts, feelings, and fears,
in ways that felt real and true,
and,
I heard you.

When I shared my thoughts, feelings, and fears with you,
you listened,
and,
you heard me.

Your eyes were already special,
but even more so because,
you saw me, the real me. all of me.

You saw me and you received me.
And, you didn’t think I was too much in body, mind and soul.

You invited in my previously feared “too muchness”,
and reminded me that I didn’t scare you.
and reminded me I didn’t have to tone myself down for you.
that who I showed up as, was beautiful to you in the most authentic way.

A breath of fresh air it was,
to be seen,
to be heard,
to be known by you, as I knew myself,
just as I’d grown myself into my womanhood.

To communicate so nakedly and openly with you,
was the ultimate turn-on and my favorite aphrodisiac among the many others.

While the ones that came closely before you couldn’t appreciate or see who I really was, and while the one that came after you was able to see me, it was because you did.
You did and that’s what matters.

I will never forget,
how comfortable I felt talking to you,
from the very beginning,
even when we’d met years before.

I will never forget,
how I got a feeling about you,
that day when you came into my office,
and I saw you differently,
and you saw me differently,
and though many years would pass until that seeing would turn into something,
it was already there for us to unravel later on.

I will never forget,
how you looked at me,
as we bumped into each other at that summer concert,
on a day when I had finally arrived in my body,
how I looked back at you,
and felt electric waves of color,
and how it sent shivers down my spine.

I will never forget,
how you first kissed me,
on that thursday morning,
on the sidewalk outside cafe brasil,
how the girl driving by shouted out to cheer us on as we kissed,
and what a sweet sign that was from the universe.

I will never forget,
how when we hugged,
how your tallness made your hands sit on my hips to embrace me fully,
how my arms would swing around your neck,
and I could feel your strong, broad chest press into mine.

I will never forget,
how you knew just how to kiss my neck,
and how I could see where you kissed it, for days after,
and what a turn-on that was until the next time you’d kiss it.

I will never forget,
how the mere touch of your hand would send me into orbit,
and light me on fire,
how your skin felt and looked unclothed,
how smooth and sexy it was,
how it beckoned me to run my hands all over you.

I will never forget,
how delicious it was to want and desire each other,
with the written word as our messenger,
and how our wanting and desire would build,
until our next anticipated time together.

I will never forget,
how when you’d spend the night,
I could sleep so soundly,
how we’d never go to sleep with unfinished business,
and how you would pull me close and kiss my shoulder after kissing me goodnight.

I will never forget,
how when we woke up in the mornings,
how I’d brush my teeth first and get back in bed,
then you’d brush yours and gargle with my mouthwash,
and then we’d kiss and re-discover our naked bodies all over again as we had the night before.

and as we worked up a sweat,
from our hot morning sex,
for a moment, I’d silently wonder if the neighbors would hear us,
yet that wondering never stopped us.
then we’d get breakfast at cafe brasil,
drink yummy coffee, eat french toast and salmon eggs benedict,
and just be with each other as we ate.

I will never forget,
how well you knew my body,
how you loved the beauty mark on my chest,
and when we made sweet love to each other,
how you loved the way I’d lean my head back and smile at you,
as our bodies rocked back and forth.

I will never forget,
how this was your favorite photo of me,
and later I shared I was thinking of you as I took it,
and that was no coincidence.

and you later described what you loved about my face
and told me my eyebrows were on fleek,
and I thought that was so cute.

I will always remember,
that cozy new year’s eve we spent in my apartment,
how you brought that yummy smoked salmon we both loved,
how we watched that weird documentary,
snuggled on the couch and kissed at midnight.

I will always remember,
how Lucy would tell me your car was in the driveway,
with her special bark and her yelp of excitement,
how she’d wag her tail at you to beg for cuddles,
how you loved her so sweetly,
and how adorably jealous she’d get as we’d start to fuck.

I will always remember,
how we watched The Graduate,
and lost our shit laughing for the next 2 hours, because,
it was just plain weird and kept getting weirder,
but I heard you laugh in a way I never had before.

I will always remember,
How we watched Henry & June naked under the covers,
discussed Anais Nin,
and agreed how overused that famous quote of hers was.

I will always remember,
How we went to the movies all those times,
and watched sci-fi or british dramas,
shared the popcorn,
and held each other over the armrest.

I will always remember,
how we’d watch our favorite TV show,
and each week the blonde character’s boobs would get bigger,
and we’d laugh with every new episode because,
they really did get bigger.

I will always remember,
How we’d geek out over all the tech stuff we loved,
and star wars,
and music,
and tl;dr,
and all the other things we loved to talk about.

I will always remember
the playlist you made me,
how lovely it was,
how I fell in love with that one song,
and how I still play it at times and recall our time together.

I will always remember,
though we were not perfect with each other because after all, we are human,
that we didn’t need to be because we were real and that was our own version of perfect.

And though there were some uncertain and uncomfortable times in our journey,
even during the time we were apart and not in sync,
how we later came together again and parted sweetly,
and lovingly, and without pain,
because that’s who we are with each other,
and who we will always be.

I will never forget and always remember,
how our 6 seasons,
spanned across those 2 years,
left me with the knowing,

that you loved me,
that you cared,
that you never made me doubt it,
and I will never have to wonder,
no matter who’s in our lives next.

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